You Don't Need a Cape to be a SUPER Mom!

Why do we have this image of motherhood that requires a red “super-mom” cape to fulfill?  You know what it looks like:  Wake up hours before everyone else so that we can get our shower, get dressed, do our hair, put on some makeup and get breakfast started before the kids wake up.  Then, do the few pieces of laundry from yesterday because we can’t possibly let it get behind.  After feeding the kids the daily breakfast of champions we help them pick out their clothes so they match and look cute, then we do their hair up in curls and pins just perfectly.  We get the kids to school and begin our busy day of shopping, errands, cooking and cleaning all with the baby in tow.  You’ve cut every coupon known to man and ended up getting paid by the grocery stores to take their food home.  More laundry, vacuuming, dusting, clean the toilets, make the beds, iron your husband’s work shirts, feed the baby, change a dozen diapers, let the dog out, let the dog in, let him out again, cook up some meals for a few new moms at church, and get dinner prepped before jumping in the mini-van again to go get the kids from school.  Then it’s time to help with homework, kids chores that you already pre-did for them, cook supper, set the table, clean it all up, bring out dessert, give the kids a bath (Every. Single. Night.) read them stories, sing them songs, tuck them in, get them a drink of water, tuck them in again, let them go potty, tuck them in again, clean the house again now that they are finally asleep, set up your to-do list for tomorrow and fall in to bed exhausted MAYBE having time to ask your husband how his day went.

  

Does anyone REALLY live like that?

I think there are moms that truly believe that this is how they must live every day in order to be the best mom in the world and I blame it on social media.  Here’s how it works.  Your friend posts an image online with a cute little quip about motherhood.  The image looks like it belongs in a GAP catalog.  You assume that this one single snapshot in her life is an accurate picture of what goes on 24/7.  Suddenly, that off centered picture of your daughters homemade birthday cake you posted last night makes you feel a little second rate.  We start playing the comparison game and the “super-mom” cape gets heavier and heavier.  Before we know it, we’re doing all these cool “mom” things that look good online but we’re too exhausted to really enjoy our children. 

Ladies, it’s time to turn in our capes.  I am not a “super-mom”.  The cape is too heavy for me to wear.  I’m not strong enough to live up to the ideal in my head of what the perfect mom is supposed to look like, and neither are you.  I want you to take off the cape, roll it up in a ball, and toss it down to the ground.  You can’t wear that cape without eventually falling under the pressure of it’s weight.  I know.  I’ve tried.

One of my favorite Bible verses is 2 Corinthians 12:9.  Jesus says “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  I am not a perfect mom.  I make mistakes. Every. Day.  I could choose to live under the red cape, always adding more and more pressure to this already heavy job of motherhood.  I could let fear drive me to go overboard in every area of parenting.  OR I can trust that His grace is sufficient for me.  Because of HIS GRACE, I will not ruin my children.  Because of HIS GRACE, I can let the laundry go without feeling guilty.  Because of HIS GRACE, my meals will nourish my children even when they come from a box instead of the earth.  Because of HIS GRACE, my efforts to raise godly children will be blessed even when I make so many mistakes.  It’s because of HIS GRACE that I am a good mom.  It’s because of HIS GRACE that my children say I’m “super”.  It’s ALL BECAUSE OF HIS GRACE and has absolutely nothing to do with that big, heavy, ugly cape I tried to sport around for so many years.

Are you exhausted under the weight of your cape?  Do you know Jesus?  Don’t be discouraged! He’ll take your cape and He’ll offer you unlimited GRACE.  His grace IS sufficient for you!   

To moms of babies:  I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but diapers and late night feedings are only temporary.  Soak in the snuggle time while you can.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To moms of small children:  Siblings fight, it’s not just your kids.  Your efforts don’t go unnoticed, they appreciate what you do but don’t always know how to express it.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To moms of teens:  Hormones are rough, your teen isn’t trying to hurt you.  They really are listening so keep communicating.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To moms of adults:  You aren’t held accountable for their choices.  They still value your input and support even if they don’t always agree or follow your advice.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To working moms:  Don’t beat yourself up for not having the house clean all the time.  Your kids know you love them even when the laundry’s behind and you don’t make 4 course meals every day.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To stay at home moms:  You’re doing enough.  Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t do enough.  You do so much for your children, make sure you don’t neglect your own needs. It’s ok to take time out for yourself.   God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To single moms:  You don’t have to fill two roles.  Just be the mom God created you to be for your kids and trust Him with the rest.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To homeschool moms:  You’re giving your kids a great education.  Their grades are not a reflection on you anymore than my kids grades are a reflection on their teachers.  Some kids just aren’t scholastics and some are.  It’s ok.  Doing double duty as mom and teacher is especially heavy, but you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s standard.  God’s grace is sufficient for you.

To all moms:  What you do matters!  Your children love you for you who are, not for the images you portray to the rest of the world.  They love you for your hugs, for your unconditional love, and for your support of them.  Let go of the cape.  GOD’S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Adolescence Times Three: A Mother's Survival Guide

I thought having three kids in diapers at the same time was going to send me over the edge of sanity into a deep dark abyss of nothingness....It took me close. Having those same three kids going through adolescence at the SAME TIME might just finish the job!! 

Ok, I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but seriously! My kids are amazing kids, and that's not just mama bear talking. Ask anyone who knows them, and they will tell you that my kids are truly great kids. But when the hormones are raging high in this house, watch out! My son is turning 13 in a month, and my daughters are 10 and 11. Yes, you can say a prayer for me now. 

For the last 16 years I have worked closely with teenagers in some way.  I don't consider myself an expert by any stretch, but I have learned a lot along the way about how to communicate and relate to this age group.  I'm writing this post primarily as a way to remind me of all the things I was able to glean from youth ministry from a rational, outsiders perspective, so that I can look to it as I enter the more emotional realm of parenting my own adolescence.  If it helps someone else, that's awesome!   

I feel very well prepared for the teen years with my kids.  What I wasn't mentally prepared enough for, was the reality of having all three of my children in the prime of adolescence at the same time.  Girls begin this process a lot earlier than boys do, and when you have your children as close together as I did and the oldest is a boy followed by two girls... you get the picture!

So, here's what I want to remember:

1.  Hormones are real and have a very real affect that sometimes seems uncontrollable.  I know that some people put way too much stock into hormonal imbalance, using it as a crutch or an excuse for certain behavior.  I in no way support that.  I do, however, feel that a lot of Christian parents ignore the hormonal side of things completely.  It's not only important for us as parents to understand and accept that hormones play a huge role in our emotions, it is also important for us to teach that reality to our children as they are coming into this crucial growth time.  When your 8 year old daughter is unrealistically overwhelmed because you said she couldn't have an extra cookie and she has no control over her tears and doesn't know why she can't just get over it, it's time to talk about hormones.  Explain to her that those emotions are a natural part of our existence, but that we have to choose how we are going to treat others and react when these emotions creep up.  If she needs to just go cry it out, that's fine.  Tears are healthy.  But if she is going to scream and be downright mean to her brother and sister or even her parents, then she's just crossed a line.  Teach them appropriate ways to get their feelings out during these hormone outbursts.

2. Teens need a godly outside influence other than the parent.  Please, don't misunderstand me here.  Your role as parent is of highest value and necessity.  My kids need us to be their primary go to for counsel and support.  They know that we are always right here with them and we have great communication with our kids.  That's vital.  However, there is something very special about the relationship with a teen and his youth leader.  Let's face it, teens go through times when they need to vent about their parents.  I want my kids to vent about me to someone who loves them, loves the Lord, and will let them vent without turning the kids away from me.  The youth leader guides them in their spiritual walk and gives them a fun and safe outlet for some of those emotions that they are going through. 

3.  Barriers and authority are still necessary, but they also need space to grow into adults.  This is a very tricky balance, but it is so important.  We always say that we're raising adults, not children.  If we never give our kids room to make some decisions on their own, then we're setting them up for a very frustrating life.  As they progress through the teen years, they need more and more freedom and space to grow and flourish.  However, don't think for a second that this means they have no rules.  There are still certain barriers that teens should have in place.  A major area I have seen over the years is the issue of church attendance.  I've seen many parents give their teens the choice of whether they want to go to youth group, and in some cases even the choice to go to church at all.  I've got to just be honest again here.  There are times even as an adult that I would choose to stay home if it was a choice for me.  Sometimes, we just don't feel like going.  (I know, I'm a pastors wife and I totally just said that.  I know you've felt the same way, so don't judge me. LOL)  :)   My point is, that during the adolescent and teen years it would take only a small hormonal outburst for a teen to decide they are just never going to church again.  The wise parent will make them go anyway.  As an adult I have a non-negotiable rule that I will be in church.  (and 99% of the time I definitely want to go, just FYI for the curious)  This is just one area that barriers are necessary, but there are definitely more.  For instance, barriers in dating.... but that will require an entirely new post, or three.

4.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13
    "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  I Timothy 1:7
"Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Proverbs 11:14
"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble." Nahum 1:7
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15.  (Don't ever use adolescence as an excuse to not discipline.  Sinful behavior must be dealt with even during these emotional years.)

I am realizing that I have way too much to write for one blog post, so I shall stop here and wait for more discussion from all of you!  Just click the link below and we can chat more.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas for practical parenting from a biblical world view.   

P.S. My kids behaved BEAUTIFULLY tonight with no irrational emotions surfacing at all.  It was awesome!

Join the discussion: http://aboverubies.freeforums.net/thread/34/adolescence-me#ixzz2vrrgTwOy